..and i'm wrong..

maybe im too sentimental about my previous post..

but i think i still need to talk to her..

stoopid, i think i am..

sometimes i wish i could live someone else's life.. find out how it feels to be that i can't..

being rich.. hmm, how i wish i could be in adinda bakrie's shoes for once. maybe i'll be all stupid and yokel.

being famous.. how does it feel being someone famous? everywhere you go, everybody knows you. you have to hide your face away from everyone if you dont want to be in the middle of the crowd. in the centre of attention.. hmmm.. i bet it felt good..

being pretty.. all eyes are on me. everyone admire me. girls envy me. boys want me.

being smart.. and bright at the same time.. hold many degrees from famous campuses.

but im not all that. im not rich. nor famous. nor pretty. nor smart.

i thank God i got what i have now. i have my family, good friends, live a life and its not that bad. but still, im craving to have a wonderful bod, intelligent, or at least have someone to share with.

i always say that boys dont define who you are. but being single for this long, i want someone here with me. damn..

maybe i am dreaming about a happy ending and how a prince charming would come and rescue me. hey, im just a girl, living in a world where you told little girls about cinderella or sleeping beauty.

and yes, i watch romantic drama films. where the guy would chase after this girl, and fight for their love, and lived happily ever after.

maybe im not living in reality. maybe i need a reality check for once in a while. maybe i havent grow up. damn..

i fell in love with someone. i feel very comfortable with him. its easy to talk to him. to chat about things. but i dont have the guts to feel happy about it. im afraid that i wake up one day and found myself got hurt so bad.

so i told everything to my best friend. she was suppose to give him clues about me. but i dont know what she told him, or what they talked about. but i think he fell for her.

she got everything i dont. she's pretty, and smart, and funny, and know the things that he's interested in.

the worst thing that i can imagine, maybe came true. and i dont know who to blame or who to hate.

she sometimes dont know where to stand. she said she wants me to hook up with him, but instead i saw that she hooked herself up.

maybe i love her too much to tell her that i dont like what she did. and im left here, alone, and broken hearted. again.

i'm in deep shit!

shit, i'm flat broke this month. i have to pay my tuition, and my room. and i only got Rp.500.000 in my account. damn..

i need to work A.S.A.P

i'm thinking im going to work at Aksara. i can do part-timing there, and still concentrate on my study. arggghhh..

shitshitshitshitshit!!

losing weight: i'm on it!!

3 weeks ago, my housemate got his blood result. and the numbers were outrageous.. his blood sugar was 250-something.. the normal level is 180-something.. his cholesterol was 500!! the normal human cholesterol is 200-ish..

we were very scared. me and him ate almost the same food. we sleep late almost everynight. smoke, and drank beers.. you can imagine how frightened we were.

we decided to change our lifestyle as soon as possible. we bought salad, fruits, low fat milk, low sugar jams, wheat bread, etc etc.. we join the gym. bought new swimsuit.. lol.. we panicked.

he extremely change his diet. only wheat bread for breakfast, no rice for lunch, many many veggies and fruits, and skip dinner.

me, on the other hand, take it a bit slow. i have weetbix for breakfast, with hi-cal milk, half portion of rice, and change my dinner time before 6pm.

he exercises regularly. running, sit-ups, rowing, etc etc. and after 3 weeks, he lost his beer belly (or his rice belly). he don't eat instant noodle (although its VERY VERY tempting).

me, i only do swimming. cos i can't stand the excruciating pain after the exercise. and after 3 weeks of not-so-strict-diet-and-workout, i lost 2 kilos!!!! woohoo!!

i love my gym. it got lots of equipment (of course, if they don't, they wont call it a gym, would they?), olympic size pool, a bunch of classes like body combat, various yoga types, RPM, hip hop, etc etc.. sauna, steam room, free drinks--tea, coffee, sodas.

the first personal trainer session, they made us use the Tanita. it measures the body fat, and how many fat and kilos you have to lose. and my results is:

i have to lose 43,3 kg of fat!! damn!!!

i got to work out really hard. hufff.. wish me luck on this.. i really want to see me in a nice kebaya for my graduation day.. :)

shit part 2

regrets came too late. i know that. thats what i feel.
i regret i slept over at his place.
i regret i ever hugged him.
i regret i ever kissed him.
i regret that im so fragile everytime he's around.
but most of all i regret i ruin our friendship.

i missed him. like he used to be. him as my friend.
the one who i can share my thoughts with. my stupid and silly friend, but so bright and mature at the same time.

my worst nightmare came true. i lost my best friend.

i want my best friend back. i want our friendship to be alright again.

i missed you..

i just feel like writing. a bit.

cant imagine how fast time goes by. its april already. i'm going to have mid term exams in 2,5 weeks. i'm going home next week. i really cant wait. the last time i was home for lebaran. that was last october. eventhough there's another home in Bandung, it just dont feel the same. i missed my bed at home in Pekanbaru. the kitchen, the backyard. hmmm...

school's going good i guess. i passed all subject last short semester. and this semester, i'm still excited to learn. i feel the need to know things. hmmm..

so nothing much too update. maybe its too much to tell. but im soooo sleepy. so i'll find some time to write. promise..

ps: i watched Simon Brich and made me cry for like 2 hrs. lol.. stupid. but its a good movie.